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Steadfast Love
I'd walk a 1000 miles, just for you.
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Accio brain!
If you'd like to order a custom, tailored to you, hand knit item then please feel free to check Shadow's Knit Knacks for examples of my work and either contact me through the customer request link there or directly at: ShadowsKnits @

Originally posted: Feb 9, 2012

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Tierney L - Toirneach Kilt Socks - Jan 20, 2014
Heather - Loki & Thor - Apr 3, 2014
sorchawench - Rainbow Gloves - May 28, 2014

Pen / Sword

This weekend was the big fighting event that we've been looking forward to and working to get ready for. I was up late Thursday night finishing some sewing. I didn't quite finish everything but most things so I'm pretty happy with that.

Firday we woke up a bit late so there was a little scramble to get to the bank and grocery store so we could pack the car up. The packing and the trip were all upbeat. I even laughed as we were driving out.

Me: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Jon: Well, go down the list.
Me: No, I know what it is.
Jon: What?
Me: We're on the road and I'm not mad at you.
Jon: Should you be?
Me: Well, I've never been able to go on a road trip where I didn't end up aggrivated or furious with the person I was going with before we even got out of the driveway. It's not bad. It's actually quite nice. I'm just ... confused, because it's so far from my norm.

And that was the theme for the weekend. We had a few hiccups, like forgetting any type of bedding for the mattress, but we always worked together and came up with a solution.

The battles were pretty awesome. I wasn't terribly thriled with the night battle in the maze but that's mostly bad footing, lack of light, and somebody hitting my PTSD buttons before the fight. But the fighting on Saturday, the gladiator battles Saturday night, Rabbitt's trial and Drust's trial were all awesome and so much fun to participation in / watch. I seriously had a blast and there were no issues between Jon and I.

Sunday morning we both hit our limit of camping though and agreed to just pack up and go. I'd just had enough of the changing clothes in a tent and being cold. Neither of us really thought to pack much for non fighting / cooler weather. So we packed up and headed home. On the way we stopped to pick up a very happy Nox Puppy. We slept so much once we unloaded the car, at least 4 hours just napping on the couch.

We have new bruises, returned aches, many happy memories, new friends, and an even stronger relationship. It was an incredibly good weekend and I'm looking forward to the next big event.

Time is so deceptive. There's never enough of it. But I managed to get some work on these, more than I'd thought. If only each little rectangle didn't require so much back and forth.

Luckily Jon is handy with a pencil so he drew these for me and I turned them into stencils. One is what will become my personal symbol and the other is our fighting unit's symbol. I'll have one on each side of my sword and my shield. I'll also use the unit symbol on Jon's shield, maybe even his tabard. Though apparently I shall have to sacrifice one of my nail art brushes to do this as the paint pen I bought is far too light to show up, as shown by the dark spot on my sword.

Pretty much all Lego Pirates of the Carribbean.


Elric of Melnibone by Michael Moorcock. I realy haven't gotten into this one yet. All my reading time at home has been on catching up on the archives of Erfworld.
22nd-Sep-2014 09:49 pm - Learning and Backsliding [jon, relationships]
I feel so lost at times.

Jon encourages me to speak up, to tell him what I need, to tell him when I'm having a problem with something. And I try. But it's so damned hard. And most of the time I can't even explain how that feels.

I try to speak up and say "this is bothering me" or "I need this" and my throat locks up. My brain blanks. I have the words, behind the dam, and it will not break. He's never been mad at me for speaking up. He 'wants' me to speak up. He get frustrated with the work that is required when he can tell I'm not adressing something. Not at me, I get that, but at the things in my life that have made me like this.

I was frustrated at work stuff. For days I didn't say anything, I just got quieter, less interested in doing other things. Things finally came to a head and I finally broke. I cried because I felt like I was burdening Jon, like I should be quiet and just deal on my own. He smiled as he pulled me close and comforted me. He smiled because I finally shared with him. He was happy to listen to me, to let me vent.

There was a miscommunication at one point and I felt neglected. I managed to tell him this and he felt so bad at hurting me. He'd let time slip away. He apologized and promised to make it up to me, with details of how he would do so even. Because of timing, the timing that he'd forgotten about in the first place, we've had to delay that. But I don't feel forgotten.

He reaches over and touches me, just to feel my hand in his. He tells me I'm pretty, no matter if I'm dressed for work, for going to the store, or just lounging around the house in lazy clothes. He has not problem telling me he loves me in public or private. He kisses me just because. He offers to help when he sees me struggling with something.

And I don't know how to deal with it. It's sweet and loving and ... it vaperlocks me.

I love it and adore it. I'm terrified that I'll wake up and he'll be gone. Or maybe it's all been a dream. Or maybe he'll just get tired of me and want me to leave. Or maybe he'll just wake up one day and be a completely different, aloof person.

He asked me if he'd ever not shown me that I was loved and wanted. I wanted to say yes. But the voices inside were particularly loud and I was trying so hard to get past them, to say something, and I couldn't say anything. He took that more as he hadn't done enough. The voices are quieter ... but never silent. Not yet.
22nd-Sep-2014 02:47 pm - Feed [fiction, lj idol s9, writing]
Shut up Voices

Previous installations of this story, 1, 2, 3.


That’s all I can think about. It’s been ages since I’ve eaten. It is difficult to really know for sure how long it’s been since it’s so dark down here. I just know that the aching in my center is eased by the ingesting of tasty, squirmy human beans. They wiggle as they go down. Right now the ache is all consuming.

What’s that?

I hear sounds up above!

It sounds like one person. One person isn’t much of a meal but it’ll do in a pinch. I shift a little in anticipation.

Wait a half blink … there’s more than one voice. I’ve heard stories of large creatures with more than one head and several voices, on other planets. Perhaps this is one of them. That will certainly be more filling than one lone human bean.

It’s on the move again. Now that I focus really hard I can tell it’s three human beans but they’re strangely in sync. The footsteps are just barely off.

Closer, they’re closer. They’re approaching the hole. My middle grumbles in anticipation. I can’t wait any longer. I stretch forth a couple appendages. They quiver, eager and ready, just out of sight in the dark.



I have to time it right. Too soon and they’ll escape. Too late and my meal runs off.

The feets slow as they edge along the hole. A rock is kicked into the hole and bounces off my appendage.



I speed into action. My larger appendage is up, up, and wraps around the human bean. There’s a loud bang and searing ow! Ow, ow, ow!! My appendage is weeping fluid and there’s a hard thing stuck inside. Through the ow I sense one, no two have gotten away. I almost lose this one but the smaller appendage is there, sweeping the legs.

I yank and she sticks. This happens at times. I can’t wait, must have now. There is loud cracking sounds and suddenly she is here. No time to savor. I stuff her into my opening and hum in happiness. Juices run down my front.

There’s sound above. I focus, the humming stops, the sound stops. I hum, the sound comes closer.

Can it be?

I hum louder. I hear the human beans talking. There’s a thud and one lands in front of me. She smiles and walks toward me. Food that delivers itself! I can take my time on this one.

What happens if I hum louder?

22nd-Sep-2014 09:15 am - Weekend [dagorhir, weekend report]
Autumn Wolf
Satruday we were supposed to get several errands done for the coming week but at least 2 of them didn't happen due to closing at noon. We're still working out how pushy I need to be in certain cases. We did pick up some things from Lynn's and meet up with a friend for fabric to cover swords that will be for sale at the upcoming event. The day wasn't bad, it was just tedious and somewhat of a let down when we didn't get certain things accomplished, like getting the bank card. But we spend the day together, got things done, and still had a good day.

I didn't wake up in the best of moods Sunday but Jon was sweet and cuddly so that helped a lot. We got ourselves together for fighter practice. The field was icky and muddy but that's why we all wear boots.

I'm steadily making a list in my head of things we need to do for this weekend. It'll be our first big trip and Jon's first big event so I'm hoping to keep it as smooth as possible.
17th-Sep-2014 06:00 am - WIP Wednesday: Rainbow [gaming, knitting, reading, wip]
Create 2
The rainbow is back! I'm making another pair of the entrelac gloves.

I played a bit of XCOM but most of my free time has been on Lego Pirates of the Carribean.


Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman. It's another book of short stories. They're not bad as he's a good author. I'm just not much for short stories but I'm trying to clean out the kindle and that means reading all the things.
16th-Sep-2014 03:01 pm - Finding the Music [happiness, jon, lj idol s9, music]

I grew up with the music. I heard it everywhere. I thought everybody was like this. We all had our own internal soundtrack.

My life was defined by the music. And yet it was limited. Imagine my surprise when I got older and was introduced to more music. There were whole worlds of music that I’d never fathomed could exist.

I soaked up all that I could. I collected from friends around the globe. My tastes were eclectic. They ranged far and wide. It wasn’t a wanna-be thing either, I truly loved each and every one of the songs I heard. I adored wizard rock and jpop, german metal and country, classic rock and shoegaze. I delighted in hitting shuffle, play all on the computer. It all gave me a larger library to pull from and create the soundtrack in my head.

And I lost the music. Where for years there had been melodies, trills, and harmonies there was nothing. While it felt sudden when I realized it, it was a slow process. As I grew more and more unhappy, more depressed, more assured that my life had no joy the music within died. My heart broke the day I realized the music was fully gone. There wasn’t even a sad bass line to plod along to. There was only silence.

The silence was deafening in it’s way. And yet it was far more welcoming than the hateful voices that soon filled my head.

They delighted in listing out my faults. Minute by minute I knew exactly what I’d done wrong, how I messed up. I was a sad, pathetic excuse for a human. I failed at being a girl, at being a wife (twice), at being anything of worth.

I would have given anything for the voices to stop.

I tried to silence the voices with music, gaming, exercise, anything I could think of. Even permanent solutions … The lack of music drove me to it.

Afterward I gave up hope and resigned myself to a life without that music. At least I had the memory of that glorious orchestra that had been my constant companion. It was hollow consolation but it was all I had.

How was I to know it’d come back with just a few text messages exchanged?

That’s how it started though. Here and there I had blips of sounds. It was like sunlight filtering through the leaves, sprinkling hope in the dark.

We talked more. The music returned more. The relationship didn’t grow so much as slam into being. But it was perfect. He encourages me to simply be me. I never question his love because it is apparent in every word he says, every action he takes. He is not dedicated to just me, but to us.

The music fills my head again. I wake with music in my head and as I drift off to sleep it is there to send me on my way. Even on cloudy days it is there, dispelling some of the gloom.

He is healing me. He is teaching me that I can be treated like a person, that my feelings and thoughts matter. And he has brought the music back to my life.

15th-Sep-2014 10:41 am - Weekend [dagorhir, sewing, weekend report]
Autumn Wolf
Friday I had a friend meet me at Lynn's so I could get the queen bed. I also picked up a couple of other things, including the Rock Band kit so Jon could play the drums. Lynn helped get the bed into my friend's truck and then Jon and I got it moved into the house once she and I got there. I slept so much better on the larger and more comfortable bed.

Satruday we did almost nothing but hang out at home. I worked on the tunics a little and managed to get them to functional status .. I hope.

Sunday was fighter practice, the first of the new regiem. It was really good, only 4 hours but we all went as much as we could and there was very little just sitting around. The breaks were short and the fighting was very good. I'm quite bruised up and down both arms and a couple spots on my legs. I hurt but I feel like I actually did something.
12th-Sep-2014 06:47 am - Green Lantern Washcloth [knitting]
This was a super (heh) quick knit one weekend while playing Star Wars.

I sent it off to an ex as a goodbye / still friends gift type thing.

Pattern: Green Lantern Dishcloth
Project Page: Ravelry
10th-Sep-2014 06:26 am - WIP Wednesday: Escargot [car, gaming, knitting, reading, wip, writing]
I didn't think I'd gotten all that far with the hat ... until I loaded the picture. I'm actually pretty happy with the progress. I've already started the decreases so I should have this one finished really soon, which is good since I have more comissions lined up. Woo!


I finished the story line portion of the game so now I'm going through and replaying in free mode, opening secret areas, and getting all the extras.

I had to team up with a partner this time for the writing competition. zhent wrote the first half, CAPTCHA Squad. I followed it up with Accidental Rapture. Please consider stopping by the poll and voting for us. POLL

Car Fund:

Though if you don't want to just toss money at somebody I do understand. I have several dreamcatchers available for sale if you're interested and I'm always available for commissions.


M is for Magic by Various. As always I'm finding the same annoyance with short stories that I usually do. They're either so tiny as to have no point .. or just as I get into them they're over and I have a new story to read. You'd think I'd stop getting books of short stories.
Purple Lips
Sometimes we need the chance to get things off our chest while knowing that we won't be judged. Sometimes we need to talk to somebody just to get things straight in our own head. Sometimes we just want to share a thought with somebody.

Here's your chance.

Comments are screened and anonymous posting is allowed. Tell the box anything you need to get off your chest or out of your head. If it's something you want to discuss further, leave a way of contacting you.

Secrets come here to die. What's posted here is simply between you and I. I won't even contact you about it unless you ask me to.

The Confessional Box is now open.
Friday after I got home we went to our friend's house for a party. I played my first ever game of beer pong after Jon and I returned from taking a friend home. It was mostly a really good night, a lot of laughter and fun. There are several pictures on my facebook wall of the drawing wall they have in their garage. Though, I suspect most of it doesn't make sense to those not in the group.

Saturday Jon and I slept in quite late. The day was mostly spent being lazy and moving slow. I did manage to get my entry for LJ Idol written so I count it a win.

Sunday was fighter practice, the last one of the old leaders, who didn't even bother to show up. It might have been the rain but several of us managed to make it out, mostly my unit, Furya. We did end up calling it a day a bit early though and went home to dry out and cuddle on the couch.

There was a moment of miscommunication / forgetfulness on Jon's part. But he realized that something was amiss and apologized for it. We're still working out some of the finer points of letting each other know things. Though I apparently also made Jon's day when he realized I have several Guitar Hero games as well as Rock Band.

Still keeping the title of best girlfriend ever. :grin:
7th-Sep-2014 10:12 am - Accidental Rapture [fiction, lj idol s9, writing]
White Wolf
Read zhent's tale of how these girls got here: CAPTCHA Squad.

As the dust settles from the cave in 119, 131, and 135 look around at each other. Without a word they begin making their way down the only tunnel open to them. Their enhanced sight helps them as they pick out the path between the rubble.

“The path is leading down,” 135 reports.

“Acknowledged, but it’s the only option we have.” 119 kicks more rocks out of her way as she replies.

They continue on for a while in silence. The only sound is their breathing and their footfalls. Occasionally a rock is kicked out of the way.

“Is it getting lighter?” 131 stops and looks around. “We’re still going down though.”

The other two stop as well. 119 steps closer to the wall and peers at the moss clinging to the rock.

“I think the fungal growth here is emitting a slight glow.”

“That’s crazy. Do you think the Syrians have been using these caves and maybe painted the wall with some special paint?” 119 looks at 131 skeptically as she looks around.

“Because that’s completely logical 131. Let’s get a move on, we need to find a way out of here and meet up with the extraction team.” 119 waves for them to follow her as she continues down the tunnel.

After what could have only been minutes but feels like hours the tunnel curves. The moss is definitely glowing. The air feels heavy with a sense of foreboding.

“Did you hear that?” 135 whispers as she freezes in place.

Both 119 and 131 pause for the briefest of moments. They look at each other as they listen but neither one hears anything.

“You’re letting your surroundings get the best of you 135. Keep it together.”

Chagrined, 135 follows her squad mates. Shortly after the tunnel curves it opens into a larger room. There is a large hole in the floor, just enough room for them to edge past single file. The tunnel continues on the other side of the room.

As they are sliding past 135 can’t help but glance down into the hole. The brief second of forewarning she has is squandered in frozen terror. A giant tentacle erupts out of the hole and wraps around 131. 119 sprints forward to put distance between her and the target. She spins and draws her gun. She aims carefully at the brown glistening flesh and pulls the trigger. The bullet flies true. It is easily absorbed by the gelatinous appendage. A high pitched squealing fills their heads. 119 and 135 both clap their hands to their ears but it does no good.

131 struggles frantically as the tentacle squeezes tighter. Her arms are pinned to her side though and there is little she can do. Another tentacle whips up beside the first and slithers around her legs, despite her attempts to kick free. It is all finally too much for 135 and she bolts back the way they’ve come.

The tentacle retreats back into the hole. 131 catches on the edges of the hole but only briefly as the force is increased and her bones break. She screams in pain, the scream trailing behind her as she is pulled down the hole. Eventually the scream silences.

119 and 135 stare at each other across the room. Horror is etched on each of their faces.

“You’ll have to get over here. Perhaps if you run you’ll beat it.”

“Not a chance.”

“You have no choice. We know what’s back there. Our only chance is forward. We must meet with the extraction team, especially now. Get a move on before it returns!”

135 makes a face but readies herself to run past the hole. Suddenly a euphoric expression overtakes her. She creeps closer to the hole. The closer she gets the wider the grin grows.

“135, move!”

135 glances up and smiles as 119.

“It’s okay, I understand now. I’ll save her.” 135 steps forward and falls into the hole. Terrified, 119 watches as she disappears. She reaches out, nearly stepping forward. She stops just short of stepping though. She turns and heads into the tunnel, the floor angles upward and she takes hope from this. Surely soon she’ll find her way out of this.

5th-Sep-2014 02:45 am - Shield and Glaive [dagorhir, sewing]
Fabric Rainbow
Both of these were fairly easy, once I got past the size of them and got the measurements I needed. Both are rather large and that presented a problem since my space is limited, plus I'm not the tallest of girls so my reach is a bit short at times.

The shield was easy, it just seemed to take forever on the sewing part.

I'm almost done with the contrast color so my knitting bag will be lighter. This has been fun and interesting to see come together up to this point.

I had hoped to just breeze through a tunic but I got all turned around when the sleeve didn't fit. So I need to rip it out and start over .. again.


The gaming computer is set up but not in a way that's condusive to prolonged periods of sitting. So I'm playing console games for a bit. This one currently holds my attention.

Car Replacement:


M is for Magic by Various. Short stories is about all I can handle these days. 
2nd-Sep-2014 10:19 am - Car Replacement [car, lack of money]
Road Trip
So, I finally got word on Quicksilver. The head gasket needs replacing and that will run at least $1200. Plus I'd have to tow it to the new place that would do that work. On top of that, the bottom half of the motor would still be 14 years old and could go at any time.

Rather than sink more money into the car .. I'm looking to replace it with a cheap, used car until we can get back on our feet. Right now my biggest concern is Jon getting a job and me continuing to get to my job. Once he has a job I won't be able to take his car into work unless he happens to get a job close to where I work. Given how big Houston is, that's quite unlikely.

So, to raise the money, I am saving what I can however ... between Lynn being out of work before we separated and the cost of moving and what little money we did have getting split, I am broke. I need help. I created a GoFundMe for donations if you're so inclined.

Of course, not everybody is willing to just toss money at people. I get that. So I've completely updated the Dreamcatcher Gallery on my site. There are several dreamcatchers waiting for a new home. Please stop by and take a look. If you see something that's close to what you have in mind but not exact I still do commissions so you're welcome to message me.

If you can't donate I understand. Money is tight everywhere. But please share.
2nd-Sep-2014 09:58 am - Labor Day Weekend [happiness, jon, weekend report]
Friday I headed over to Lynn's for more packing. It was a late night but ... all the packing that I have to be there for is done. Once I get a little stable money wise I'll look into a storage unit to put things into. But this means no more evenings over there. I got home around midnight and got snuggles and kisses from both Jon and the puppy.

Saturday we woke up very late but still managed our walk (kinda). We called it early because I was getting a blister on my heel and didn't want to allow it to get bad. Later we went to Dave & Buster's since I found a stack of unused cards at the apartment while packing. Jon and I spent at least 4 hours there and only spent about half of the credits. We'll go back another day and have some more fun.

Sunday was fighter practice, though it was a low key day due to rain and a wet field. But it was a good day hanging out with friends.

Monday was the ultimate lazy day, other than laundry getting put away we did nothing productive. We snuggled and watched tv and gamed and just basically relaxed. Though apparently I'm cute when I'm in gamer girl mode.

Today it's back to work but I'm feeling so relaxed and happy that I don't care. It was a fantastic weekend and even when my scared inner voice spoke up a couple of times Jon talked me through it. I think I'm finally making some progress toward deactivating those fears.
29th-Aug-2014 06:17 am - Julissa [knitting]
I think this is one of my favorite projects.

I'm thrilled with how it came out and how it fits. I love the color. I love the cables.

I love the little details. I love the shaping. The yarn is squishy and fun to wear. I might even knit another one.

Pattern: Julissa
Project Page: Ravelry
Create 2
It's not much to look at yet but it's a start. Main color, contrast color, and cast on for a new hat.

More boxes have been packed but there's still more to do. I foresee a large purging of stuff quite soon. Meanwhile I'm going over tonight to pack more boxes.

It appears that I won't even be able to file until late October. :sigh:

I finally logged into Star Wars The Old Republic for a bit and got my Sith Warrior up to 10. There's no real appearance change so no picture.

I wrote Love and Hate in Metal Form. The vote is community only, though there's no cost to joining the community, if you wish to support me and leave a vote.


M is for Magic edited by Neil Gaiman. Short stories is about what I can keep up with these days.
26th-Aug-2014 06:15 pm - Love and Hate in Metal Form [car, lj idol s9]
You Suck


"Yes, I was calling about my car?"

"Yes, my mechanic wants to take the thermostat out to see if there's any debris in there."

"But, you just replaced it less than a month ago."

"I know, and we think it's a head problem but he wants to check the thermostat."

"But," I fail at words for a moment and there's a ringing in my ears. It sounds like a cash register. "Have you even gotten it to start?"

"Well, no, it's dead right?"

"Right, I had to have it towed."

"Was it overheating before it died?"

My hand clenches around the phone. I've told him this seven times, at least. It was why I was driving it to the mechanic to begin with, it's written on the paperwork I left with the car, and I've said it every single time I've called. They've had the car since Thursday morning at open. It's now Tuesday of the following week.

"Yes, it was. What about the head?"

"Oh, we don't do that here."

I want to cry. I can't afford any of this.

"Right, so where am I supposed to take it to get the head replaced or fixed."

"Well, you'll have to have it towed, since you can't start it."

I really want to scream at him. Instead I take a deep breath and calmly reply.

"That would be another $165,"

"$165, that's crazy."

"It's all I could find that would actually respond to me that night and I couldn't leave it on the side of the road."

"Oh, well, I have a guy."

"Do you have any idea what any of this is going to cost?"

"Well, it's no charge to look at it, you know."

"Ok," I'm so defeated at this point, I just want to be done with it all. "I'll call back tomorrow then. Thank you."

I finally give in and underhanded toss the phone across the room after I hang up.

I can't afford any amount they quote me. I can't afford a new car payment right now and I have nothing for a down payment. I can't really afford anything but for this car to magically begin working again.

On one hand this faithful car has been with me since 2001. She was my birthday present. She was in fact the very first birthday present Charles bought me. She has carried me safely from Irving to Houston several times, multiple trips to and from Austin, and most recently to New Orleans to attend MechaCon. She's been my freedom, my security that I'm not trapped. She's the one thing that has been 'mine', even through this second divorce, since she was in my name from the beginning and she's fully paid off.

On the other .. she's abandoned me. She's dead. In the middle of this divorce and I need her more than ever to get me to work so that I can afford to pay rent and buy groceries. I need her to cram my stuff into as I move it from Lynn's apartment to Jon's home. I need her to be there for me, to be reliable.

And she's dead.

It's silly to be so emotionally invested in an inanimate object. I know this. But I am.

I want to save her. To save that part of me.

And I want to burn her to the ground until there is nothing left but the good memories.

Friday Jon dropped me off and picked me up from work since Quicksilver is deader than dead and I can't get the mechanic to answer the phone or call me back. I just hope I can afford the repairs.

Anyhow, Jon and I met Lynn at the apartment and after Miss Kid joined us we had a quick bite to eat before Lynn and I dove into packing. We got all the books and movies done, most of the console systems. It's starting to move a bit faster, though I'm still a bit overwhelmed by it all. Dealing with separating it all out brings up so many emotions and they're so conflicting. I remember when things were good, when I believed in forever. And then I'm reminded of why we're doing this and why it's right. I don't even remember what he said at one point but I snapped at him, told him that it was rude and unnecessary and if he just kept his snarky comments to himself this would go faster and he'd be done with me all that much sooner.

Jon didn't want to be there but he was lovely about being patient and helping out when he could. He had the car packed up super fast when it came time though.

Saturday we slept in a bit but we were still up early-ish to get things together for the Valinor Day Battle, a local Dagorhir event. I finished up a glaive cover and 2 sashes for our unit mates. This meant that my back was a little unhappy with me as we headed out but I grabbed a couple Advil and followed one of the unit's favorite sayings: "Take a spoonful of cement and harden the fuck up."

While weapons and armor was getting checked I measured the sashes and hand sewed the ends together for each of the guys. I was very happy that all my gear passed. I spent nearly the whole day with the bow and arrows and got some great shots on people. I tried the buckler that Uncle said I could have but unless the straps are made longer so I can put it higher on my arm, it'll never work with archery. It either caught on my bow as I came up for a shot .. or blocked half of my vision. It's pretty though so I'd like to use it, if we can find a way to make it not interfere.

Sunday was a supreme lazy day. I didn't leave the house at all, though Jon did a couple times. We played video games and mostly just recovered from a day out in the sun running around and a week of stress over the car. We snuggled on the couch and watched Doctor Who last night. Nox Puppy was very glad to curl up on the couch with her head on my leg. It was a very wonderful day.
22nd-Aug-2014 06:48 am - Shamrock Socks [knitting]
It's been a while now that these have been finished but I'm still in love with them.

I love how the stripes just happen with yarn like this and I don't have to think about it. This was my first attempt at an afterthought heel to save the stripes.

I wish I'd been able to predict just how much yarn the heel would take as I ended up with more left over than I expected. The whole point of stripy socks is to use all the yarn. I think next time I'll try to manage it a little better. I do love these though.
21st-Aug-2014 11:55 am - Nails: Water Drops [nails]
Rainbow Paint

I like the idea of this .. however the polish leaves something to be desired. This was only the second day and I'd already had to redo the pointer finger of this hand and my pinkie on the other hand.

China Glaze Frostbite & Turned Up Turquise
20th-Aug-2014 12:04 pm - Busy Busy [housework, life]
Bring out Your Dead
I feel like I'm doing all the things but getting nowhere.

Yesterday I finished setting up the bank account now that I have my new card, changed my address in Chrome so I can more easily change it everywhere else, and went ahead and updated Amazon with the new info as well, just in case. I also called the lawyer for info on setting up an LLC for the fiber festival, fixing a issue with my credit report, and getting the divorce paperwork started. I also have an appointment for Planned Parenthood scheduled for Thursday to see about staying on my birth control.

I did some work on the tunics I need to repair but stalled out when I realized the piece I need to finish the trim is over at Lynn's apartment. Meanwhile I sewed up Jon's new shield cover, which meant he got to help and learn probably far more about sewing and how I work than he really wanted to know.

Oh, we also went for a walk and I managed almost 30 minutes before having to give up. I did make 1.5 miles but my back started seizing up so that plus the raw spot on the back of my ankle signaled I was done.

I'm exhausted and feeling like I'm not doing enough to treat myself. I did manage to play a bit of Xcom last night, just a couple of missions. But I was so tired it wasn't as enjoyable. I'll be glad when I'm not living with stuff in boxes or spread across two living places. Maybe then I'll be caught up and can actually take some time to work on things for me rather than for others. I like doing things for others but I think I've been spread a little thin for a bit too long at this point.

I want a pillow fort ... and no guilt for not working on projects. I want to have frozen yogurt and not feel bad about the cost or the lack of healthy I'm eating. I want to cook a meal because it's fun and then sit down at a dinner table to slowly enjoy it with a good book.
Create 2
I've finally started the decreases to hopefully this will start going a little faster. I have verified that it fits me so that's a plus.

I finally had a little time to play so I logged into XCom. I've also started playing Darksiders 2 on the PS3.

The moving is going, though slowly as it's across town to go pack things and it's more sense making to go when I'll have several hours and not waste gas,


The Not So Secret Emails of CoCo Pinchard by Robert Bryndza. I'm trying to give it a chance, so far it hasn't pulled me in.
Friday I got home and hung out with Jon for a little bit before we headed out to the party with our friends. We stopped at the grocery store first to pick up a couple things and then we were off. I had a fantastic time at the party, I had a few drinks, there was sword fighting, and a "Let it Go" sing-a-long. I dearly love when Jon sings, such a rich voice. We got home around 3am and crashed out.

Saturday I refused to do any more running until I'd walked for a week or so because my hips were killing me so much from the workout we did on Thursday. I always forget that I have to work up to it .. until I'm in pain. I also refused to walk that morning since I was so worn out from the night before and still had to go spend the day at Lynn's for packing. Jon agreed that we'd just have a rest day and held me close.

Eventually we crawled out of bed and got moving. I headed off to Lynn's for more packing. That was a day long thing but all the books are sorted out now and the boxes have been organized a little bit better than his haphazard way of just stacking them in the middle of the room. Meanwhile I'm reminded that we have a lot of books. I was getting tired and grumpy since he was looking through the books on his own and deciding which ones were his before bringing the stack over and then defensively declaring his property. I finally had enough and pointed out that 1. I'd not argued over 99% of the books (out of 1000 there were only 3 that we couldn't agree on yet), 2. I was tired from a long day of negotiating, and 3. for somebody who wanted me out as soon as possible he was making this take twice as long. Things went a little faster at that point and I got a few things into the car to take home with me.

Sunday was fighter practice. I felt like we got a late start but we weren't that far ahead of the others that showed up. It was a good practice with really good battles. I had a quiver so I was finally a mobile archer. That was awesome and I got a lot more hits since I was able to wander the field a lot more. I got a few really nice face shots, including one where Bjorn was chasing me down and I just barely dodged his sword as I took him out. I have some ideas to improve the quiver but just as it was still pretty awesome.
15th-Aug-2014 07:04 am - Tunics and Shield Cover [dagorhir, sewing]
Fabric Rainbow
I'm a bit behind so I'm going to post a couple projects that I've finished.

First up is a tunic for one of my Furya guys.

There was actually two of these, one without the blue on the shoulders.

I also did a shield cover for Jon, before we were dating.

This started out as a t-shirt. It took a little bit of creative cutting and sewing to get it to fit around the shield, but I managed it. I'll do the next one differently, since I now have a better idea how to do round shields.
14th-Aug-2014 09:03 pm - Nails: Black Texture [nails]
Rainbow Paint

I love the pixie dust line of nail polishes. I suspect that eventually I'll have them all. It never fails that I wear the texture down to almost smooth because I spend so much time rubbing my fingers over the nails.

Zoya Dahlia
I've managed to spend a bit of time on this despite working a convention this past weekend, but not a lot,

Everything is in a state of chaos these days since I'm in the middle of a move. So far things are being nice and we're able to amicably divide the things, so hopefully I'll be renting a truck soon and just hauling all the boxes over at once.


Wait for Me by Elisabeth Naughton. I haven't had much time to read, but I manage a little here and there.
Queen Mab
Sometimes we need the chance to get things off our chest while knowing that we won't be judged. Sometimes we need to talk to somebody just to get things straight in our own head. Sometimes we just want to share a thought with somebody.

Here's your chance.

Comments are screened and anonymous posting is allowed. Tell the box anything you need to get off your chest or out of your head. If it's something you want to discuss further, leave a way of contacting you.

Secrets come here to die. What's posted here is simply between you and I. I won't even contact you about it unless you ask me to.

The Confessional Box is now open.
11th-Aug-2014 11:40 pm - Demons Lie [apis / lynn, jon, lj idol s9, relationships]

“Forever alone”

That thought alone kept me locked in place, frozen in fear. I believed you see. I bought the bull of nobody loving me.

It was said only to scare me, to keep me close.


I didn’t want to be, but it was the only way to get attention. Besides, I liked the touch, the pretty words, the feeling of being wanted.

It was said to shame me, to keep me from straying.

“I love you”

I was scared. He said it first. What if he didn’t mean it? What if it was just a momentary touch of insanity.

I already loved him and I didn’t want to lose him. I’d already fallen down that hole. We weren’t just friends with benefits, I’d play that part but he already held my heart in his hands.


It was a peaceful sound. A glance in his eyes and I could see the truth of his words.

I nodded. Forever sounded wonderful.

It hasn’t been easy, and it’s likely to get a bit harder in some ways. But I’m past the scare quotes. I no longer allow fear and shame to rule me. I laugh and giggle, I make silly faces, and I live rather than exist.

I’m loved for who I am, despite all the pain of my past. He’s wonderful and I’mma keep him. Forgive me for a bit of inside baseball there, but it’s what we do.

11th-Aug-2014 09:28 am - The Houston Con [con, jon, weekend report]
Thursday Jon and I took Nox Puppy over to noevilliveon's home for an extended stay. Nox begged Jon to take her with us before she begged me. On the plus side, she's bonding with him. Then we headed over to Lynn's so that I could pick up a few more clothes, as well as things for the dance at the con. Finally we were off to the hotel.

The room was lush and amazing. Jon took a quick shower while I sorted out some of our things and then we went down to scout out where we needed to jump in with the set up. I set some of my volunteers to labeling the tables and making sure that was done correctly. Naturally the second vendors see the dealer's room doors open they're jumping to try and load in. Never mind that I'm trying to rush so that they can do so and the constant questions are slowing that down.

I will say I've managed the art of delegation this time around. Or Jon has; sometimes I wasn't sure who handled what between the two of us. I do know he handled a lot of the issues with overselling tables in the dealer's room before it got to me and he was good about grabbing people to help move things / deal with people before I was ever overwhelmed. I also had Cammie, Champion, and Zach who were fantastic about jumping in and helping out as needed, Champion was even willing to take over the shift changes a couple times as well as open the dealer's room on Sunday so Jon and I could sleep in a bit and have a leisurely breakfast.

The con overall was low on attendance and low on problems. Gaming seemed to be doing well though, as there was not a lot else to take in. I posted several pictures from Friday and Saturday, as well as the dance on Sat night, over on FB.
I set up somebody to handle the volunteers for the later shifts and we headed out around 1pm. Both Jon and I were looking forward to the quiet of home.

Between being with somebody who is an active partner and being far less emotionally invested, the weekend was quite low stress. I handled my job duties but I hung out with friends, laughed, went to the dance, had a couple drinks, and just had fun in general.

Today I'm tired just from being around so many people for so long, two weekends in a row. But I'll likely recover rather quickly this time around.
6th-Aug-2014 09:49 am - Zzzz [con, lack of sleep, life]
Bring out Your Dead
I'm not going to say my schedule has been a little crazy ... but Jon tried to take my laptop away from me at least twice last night because he was afraid it would slide off my lap and hit the floor when I fell asleep.

I feel like a plate spinner and I just keep going in circles, giving each plate a spin to keep it moving.

Wednesday is the DragonBall Z movie. Thursday kicks off the con. Last night I decided that I 'had' to do Jon's tabard before the con so he could wear garb one day and be fully turned out. This is of course crazy. I asked Jon to talk me down off the crazy ledge. He agreed, until he heard it was something he'd been wanting. So much for one of us being responsible. :laugh: Truly, if I don't get it done he won't be upset but it's a nice goal.

I'm also trying to update the website with the dreamcatchers and price them since we're short on funds. I 'may' even be open to commissions for them again, for a short while.

I should sit down and write out a list of commissions to organize things better in my head.

I'd rather sleep. Maybe I can sleep in a bit on Tuesday, for sure next Thursday.
Create 2
I ... managed maybe one row? Apparently I've been a little busy.


I managed a lot more on the socks while I worked MechaCon and watched Guardians of the Galaxy.

I decided, possibly impulsively, that I wanted Jon to have his tabard before Thursday so he can wear it to the con and be my bodyguard. We'll see if it actually gets done.


Wait for Me by Elisabeth Naughton. I haven't gotten very far in this. Working a day job plus 2 conventions seems to take far more time than I planned on.
Crying Inside
Because you know there had to be more.

Wednesday of last week Lynn came up to work to pick up my check for deposit. He took my car to fill it up with gas, run it through the carwash, change the oil, and add more coolant. When he returned, with news of the reservoir splitting, he kept trying to get me to skip practice that evening. I finally went down to the parking lot to see what his deal was. He said the car was overheating, no duh, and he was concerned about me trying to add coolant to it as I might burn myself. He informed me that he'd seriously considered just hiding my car so I couldn't leave for practice until he was satisfied that the car was cool enough.

He considered hiding my car to keep me from driving to see friends.

He doesn't understand why this bothers me. He sees nothing wrong with his threat.

I swore I'd be safe and if it felt too hot then I wouldn't attempt to open the radiator to put more coolant in. He finally left and I went back to work.

Thursday, I had trouble opening the radiator so I called him. Rather than him telling me how to open it, he wanted Jon's address to come over and do it for me. Jon almost fell for it simply because he isn't worried about Lynn being a creeper. I stopped him because I didn't want to deal with Lynn in person before my trip and I didn't want him to decide to just show up for whatever reason. I finally got it figured out though.

On the drive Lynn messaged me to say he'd gotten an offer letter from an interview and his first day was the 18th. I posted a congratulatory thing to facebook. He was angry that I did that, that I would share his private life like that. Words were said. I talked to Jon a bit about it and suddenly the concept of move in for a week to test the waters seemed unnecessary. He suggested that sooner would likely be better if Lynn was going to be that unpredictable and angry. I agreed and we began making plans to move things up.

Saturday Jon asked why we were waiting until Tuesday to go see Guardians of the Galaxy. I pointed out that for one I was going to be tired and needed to get work clothes together for Tuesday and Wednesday ... unless ... if Lynn was willing to bring some clothes to practice on Sunday and hand them over to Jon. So I messaged Lynn to ask if he was free to talk, despite it being 1am, he was. (Love how he stays up super late but always said that I kept him from going to bed.) I walked him through the specifics that I wanted. I also told him to keep the Tuesday after next free so that we could go separate the bank account (something he'd mentioned days before that we should do) as well as figure out what to do with the cell phones.

It can't be a conversation with Lynn without me crying, of course. So he had to ask if I was going to come home Monday to see my four legged fuzzy girl since she was wandering around, looking for me. She was beginning to wonder if I'd ever come home to see her again. I naturally teared up as I do every time I think about being a bad puppy mommy. Then I hear Miss Kid ask if I'll come home because she misses me. Right in the godsdamned feels. Lynn asks if I'll "at least talk to Miss Kid since she's standing here, begging to talk to you." I broke. I said no, I had to go, I'd talk to him later.

I was never more glad to momentarily be alone in the room. I just sat and sobbed for a moment. I do feel bad. I feel like I'm abandoning Nox Puppy and Miss Kid. I didn't want to take Nox over full time if I was still spending several nights at the apartment with Lynn. I can't take Miss Kid with me and I try to stay away when she's there simply because he puts so much effort into making me cry. Let her have her time with him that doesn't involve me in tears.

I talked to Jon a bit more and he said he'd get the clothes from Lynn. Plans were rearranged and I did what I could to recenter my brain. On the way home on Sunday I called another friend and through talking to her, decided that Nox would likely be much better not being there. I talked it over with Jon and a plan was formed for Nox to come with me Monday evening (I was stopping by the apartment to get a couple things anyhow) and when we went to The Houston Con she'd go to Megan's until the following Monday. Either Jon or I will go by to pick her up. Megan agrees that Nox not being there when he's angry is likely a good thing.

Once I got home I called him again to see what we were going to do about him promising to take my car to the shop for the repairs. It was agreed that I'd switch cars with him on Monday evening when I got there. We'll switch back when I stop by on Thursday before the con.

Today I had to pull over because the car dinged red and there was smoke. While I was waiting for it to cool down I called him to let him know. He still hadn't taken Miss Kid home. He knew the reason behind the car going to the shop was because it was overheating. An intelligent guess would be that he couldn't use my car to take her home in thus he would need to do that before I got there. This did not occur to him. Frustrated I babied the car to the apartment. Lynn called her step father to come get her. Kid wanted to comfort me but every time I tried to explain that it wasn't her I started crying again, because I feel like a failure, like I'm abandoning her.

I tried to walk her out to the car but Lynn decided to shadow us there. He'd also made it a point to tell me he still cared about me and reached out for me. I side stepped the touch. Even knowing that this is the right thing, that I need out of there, it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like I wasn't good enough.

Lynn tried again after we packed the car with a few things I deemed important (sewing machine for garb, desktops / monitors, dreamcatchers to sell, ect). He told me that I was always enough for anybody that I wanted to be enough for and that he only wanted me happy.

Currently, I'm unpacked at Jon's. This is home. Nox is here, my computers are here, and Jon is here. He held me when I cried. He canceled his game, unasked, because he knew I was having a rough time of it and he wanted to be available for me. He put most of the stuff away. I had cookies and brownies and milk.

I don't fully have a plan for the next steps but there's something. I have people I can turn to for help though. My name has been removed from the lease. I'll have to spend a few nights at the apartment to pack things up properly and to sort mine from his but that's after the con. I believe I'll have to do some fundraising to fully afford the bulk of the move.

I suspect I'll always wonder what I could have done better or different, how I could have earned his love. But Jon loves me and never holds back on telling me or showing me. I feel wanted here,
4th-Aug-2014 11:46 am - MechaCon Weekend [con, happiness, jon, love, weekend report]
Thursday ... it feels like forever ago.

Jon helped me with the car a bit, putting coolant in because she's being bitchy again and split her reservoir so overheating ensues. Then, after the hardest goodbye I've ever had to deal with from a living loved one, I headed to New Orleans. I honestly don't think I've even been that upset at leaving somebody.

The drive was fairly uneventful. Quicklsilver was mostly happy at 70 and though she ran a little on the hot side, she wasn't anywhere near the red. I made it to the hotel and found Maria. We did a little bit of overview and getting up to speed while set up was going on.

Friday began the convention proper and the actual job. I like a lot of the system she uses so I'm already using it for mine, with a few changes. I really enjoyed meeting a lot of new people who feel like family and being on the inside of a well run convention. I managed to eat decently every single day as well as wonder through the attached mall, the vendor's area, and the artist's alley. I didn't make any panels but I did get some gaming time in.

This was the first con where I was attached, not allowed to play with the boys. And naturally, there was a boy. For a very long while my philosophy has been "why the hell not" and so I've pretty much done what I wanted, when I wanted, and with who I wanted. And I couldn't. I'd promised. Not that I've been great about keeping those in the past. After all .. "What happens at the con stays at the con." But I couldn't.

And waiting was so damn worth it. I felt like homecoming was more special. Being back in his arms was one of the sweetest rewards possible.

Sunday I cut out a little early. I tried to put more coolant in Quicksilver but she refused to allow her hood up so I cursed at her a bit and hoped for no traffic. I was mostly in luck and the speed was fairly consistent the whole way home. I had a nice long talk with a friend while driving as well as calling Megan to make sure the things I was plotting would be able to happen.

As I got closer Jon poked me a bit more often to check for updated ETA so he could be home from practice to greet me. And I still beat him home, but only by a minute or two. Best homecoming ever. He doesn't have a problem telling me he missed me so I got lots of affection. We went to dinner and he managed to talk me into going to see Guardians of the Galaxy. We'd planned to go see it Mon anyhow and well, he's persuasive. I'm glad though, we both really enjoyed it.

Back home I sorted out clothes, clean, dirty, and those for work. I called Lynn to make arrangements for the car to be taken to the shop. Jon laughed at me a bit as I did a little nesting, he finds it amusing that I'm claiming areas, mostly without asking. But the best part was the kisses and him holding me close. I love that he doesn't feel like less of a man if he shows me that he wants me close. Of course, he also shoves me away after a kiss and a giggle when he knows I have things to do.

Life is Happy. Jon is Love.
31st-Jul-2014 12:08 pm - Nails: Greens [nails]
Rainbow Paint

These are 2 of my new Zoyas. I love the thumb and ring finger, it's a gorgeous color, good coverage, and fairly durable. The other .. it has it's place. I suspect that place is not with me. It's very thin layering, pictured is 8 layers. I'm sure it's great for gradient, and I may try that another time. But it wasn't what I had in mind when I ordered it.

Zoya Giovanna & Frida
I'm finally working the beret in the round! I managed the first cables and so far I love how it's looking. I think it'll go a bit faster once I'm done with conventions now that I'm into the pattern section that makes sense.

Jon and I checked out Lucy this past weekend so I got more time on my socks. I love how the stripes just happen.


I think I played a bit on my Jedi and I'm pretty sure I played a little on my Smuggler. This sleeping in a different house almost every night is really messing with my gaming and sense of time.

I'm still in the the writing contest. The prompt this week was Checkov's Gun. I wrote Checkov's Knitting Needles and the poll is here. If you have a moment please vote for me.


Wait for me by Elisabeth Naughton. It's a silly love story but that's okay. Now that I can read them again it's nice to take a break and just have the fluff. It's particularly helpful when I've got so much else going on.
29th-Jul-2014 11:52 am - Dealing with Anger [emotions, jon, relationships]
Love Tree
In any new relationship I have to see how my SO deals with anger, with frustration, with things not going right. I have to know that I can deal with how they deal with their feelings. So many times in the past would trigger me and I just couldn't deal with it.

Saturday night Jon was angry because of work, with the people there and the way they were handling an issue. I knew he was angry before he came home to me. We'd talked when he'd called me to vent. While he was venting I never once felt that he was angry with 'me'. It was always clear he was upset with the situation.

When he got home he didn't ignore me or spread his anger around. He gave me hugs and kisses. He snuggled with me for a little bit before going to kill things on the computer. While he was on the computer he'd still pause to tell me "love you" or to blow a kiss. I never felt ignored or shut out. I never felt misdirected anger.

My back began acting up but I didn't say anything because I wanted to give him his space. I am obviously transparent to him though since he noticed and asked. I shrugged and said my back was bothering me. He finished the battle he was in and turned the game off. He came over and asked if he could help, which led to a massage that worked a good portion of it out.

Even when he was angry and wrapped up in his own problems ... he thought of me. He paid enough attention to me to see that I was hurting. I didn't stop existing just because the computer was on.

I can handle his anger, with no fear. That in and of itself is a relief. And all of it makes me love him more.
28th-Jul-2014 02:26 pm - Chekhov's Knitting Needles [fiction, lj idol s9]
No More Miss Nice Girl
Sara opens the beautifully wrapped package that Nana handed her. Nestled in the tissue paper is a pair of rosewood knitting needles. They are exquisite. The dark wood almost glows in the light and they’re a little warm in Sara’s hand.

“Nana, these are lovely but everybody knows I’m rubbish at anything crafty.”

“Nonsense dear.” She pats Sara on the leg. “I’m sure you’ll find a wonderful use for these.”

Sara sets the box aside and refreshes their iced tea from the pitcher.  The box is forgotten, until Sara is cleaning up later. She once more examines the needles. If only she could manage to wrap her head around just one crafty thing. The whole family is full of quilters, knitters, and artists. She always feels like the ugly duckling in comparison. With a sigh, she places the box back on the side table and continues cleaning.

Days pass, and the world moves on. There are reports of a serial murderer on the loose in the small town. Sara at first only pays minimal attention to it, sure that it’s not a big deal. After all, the news reporters get more viewers by exaggerating. But soon not even she can ignore the reports.

Sara is careful to be observant as she moves from work to car to house. She feels like she’s on constant alert. But constant alert never lasts, eventually we all grow complacent.

One evening, as she’s fixing dinner, there’s a knock on the door. Sara turns the heat on the burner down before walking to the front door. She double checks the chain lock before unlocking the dual locks below it. She peers through the narrow opening.

A man stands on her porch. His feet are muddy, but it’s been raining recently. His pale skin contrasts with his dark hair and eyes. His lips quirk in an apologetic smile. His eyes are breathtakingly beautiful. Mesmerizing you could say.

“I’m terribly sorry to disturb you.” His voice is a rich tenor, verging on bass. “My car and my phone both died on me. Could I possibly use your phone?”

“Oh, I guess so.” Sara feels like she’s dreaming as she answers.

“Thank you so much. Might I come in, just to take the chill off?”

“I … ye-es,” the word is drawn out, as though she is still not sure. She begins to close the door and it’s as though she’s suddenly fully awake. “No, I’m sorry,” she begins. But it is far too late.

A mist rushes through the narrow gap and suddenly the man is standing beside her. She looks up in terror and, though a monumental act of will, begins backing up. The man grins hungrily, his teeth look so sharp and pointy from this angle. He advances on her. Sara stumbles back, almost tripping in her fear. He stalks her, as though he is taking his time. She feels something bump her leg and she frantically feels around with her hands, afraid to take her eyes off her approaching doom. There is a rustle as her fingers brush tissue paper. She almost sobs in fear.

“Please, you are not welcome here. Go!”

The man laughs.

“It’s not that easy girl, never was.” He comes closer. Sara’s hand wraps around the two needles and faster than she thought possible she whips them up and stabs him in the chest. His eyes go wide for a brief second before she is showered with dust as he disintegrates. She stares at her hand holding the knitting needles. They once more appear to glow but it must be a trick of the light.

“I guess Nana was right after all.”
I Love You - Geisha
Jon worked late on Friday so the plan was for me to go back to the apartment and have dinner with Lynn, gather my things, and go to Jon's once he got home. He ended up getting off work early so I grabbed my clothes and the Nox Puppy and hurried to his place. Nox settled in almost instantly and took to Jon with no problems. I think she might even prefer him over me. :laugh:

We got some much needed snuggles as we'd both had a bit of a rough day. Nox was delighted to have a yard to romp around in. I suspect that had I allowed it she would have spent nearly the whole time out there. Eventually we collected the puppy and went to Megan and Samantha's. I was super excited to introduce Jon to my friends and to figure out what we're going to do about Houston String Theory. And Yay! Everything was positive. :glee:

Saturday morning we were snuggled up on Jon's couch and Nox jumped up beside me. She then walked across me to settle down in Jon's lap. I'm pretty sure I heard a sigh of contentment before she dozed off. She has most definitely accepted Jon and claimed him. Luckily he could continue to play his game with her there. We checked out Lucy at the theater and picked up a few groceries since he has bachelor fridge disease. With the amount of time I'm spending there I need more sustenance available than what we get in drive through.

Shortly after we went to work I packed up the Puppy and headed back to Lynn's. I had a little bit of sewing to do plus pick up a change of clothes, and dropping of Nox. I didn't want to leave her at Jon's while we went to practice on Sunday since it was still a new place. Plus I wasn't sure I'd be going back to Lynn's on Sunday.

Jon had a very rough time of it at work, almost to the point of quitting because of the crap. Lynn helped me finish some things up and I gathered everything together to head back to Jon's. Previously I've laughed about my phone autocorrecting Jon's to home. When I texted him to let him know I was heading back I sent "Heading home". Of course he had to give me shit about that because that's what he does. Though he also said I was welcome to call that home if I wanted. To me Home is Safe, he makes me feel Safe, therefore where he is is Home.

Sunday was practice. The heat ended up making me nauseous and gave me a headache so I sat out a few battles. Several of us ended up leaving a bit early to go eat. I can't even explain the feels I got when Jon asked if I was ready to go home. There is such a deep pool of contentment and happiness. Back at his place we cleaned a little bit before I got my things ready for the morning. This was the first time I left for work from his place and with nothing being where it 'belonged' I wanted to make sure it'd be a smooth morning.

This morning was hard. Getting ready was easy but leaving was hard. I really would have preferred to stay, warm and safe in his arms. I went to kiss him goodbye and he pulled me into a sleepy snuggle hug. I melt every time he does that. I dearly love that he snuggles closer and wants to be near me, even when he's not fully awake.

I had 3 days of bliss with him. Tonight is a final walkthrough for the hotel for The Houston Con. Tomorrow is packing since I'm driving out Thursday for MechaCon in New Orleans. It's going to be a struggle to not run off across town and ignore the responsibilities. I hope I'm incredibly busy during MechaCon so my mind stays busy.

I missed him before I turned off his street this morning.
25th-Jul-2014 09:06 am - First of Many ... Tunics [dagorhir, sewing]
Several weeks back at this point I finished a tunic for one of the unit leaders in my fighting group. There were two actually, but I can't find the pictures of the second one. No worries, it's just like the first but without the blue stripes on the shoulders.

I have since received commissions for 2 more so they'll be showing up soon. Though not before I get my new sewing machine and the binding foot because doing all that trim a step at a time? Not happening.

24th-Jul-2014 01:56 pm - Nails: Furyan Pride [nails]
Rainbow Paint

Given my promotion in the Furyan fighting unit with Dagorhir I wanted to showcase them a little on my nails. Perhaps someday I'll do the symbol but for now I just wanted to use the colors, navy and grey.

Revlon #907 Steel Her Heart
Sally Hansen #760 Tidal Rave
23rd-Jul-2014 02:03 pm - Getting Whiplash [apis / lynn, jon, relationships]
I spend far too much time confused.

Lynn was incredibly nice and didn't make a fuss over my paying for a new tire for Jon's car yesterday. Then when my car started throwing a fit he was happy to pay for 3 new tires for me. Given that 1 was separated internally and I have a trip to New Orleans scheduled this coming week I'm very grateful. I made sure to say thank you and tell him how much I appreciated it. I really do, being stranded on the side of the road is not my idea of a good time.

We were joking and something he said prodded a "fuck you" from me. He wasted no time in replying with a "Hell no" and "That's Jon's problem now". I tried to laugh it off, "You never had a problem with it before". He glared at me for a brief second, "Well, you work with what you have".

I should have been able to ignore it or come back with some glib retort. Hormones have the best of me this week though and I was gutted.

Later in Target I'm being silly and having fun. I'm being me, the me that Jon encourages. Lynn looks at me with annoyance and asks "How does Jon respond when you act like that?" "He loves me and loves that I'm silly." "Uh huh .. tell him there's a no return policy." Now I'm hurt and questioning everything I do because what if he's right and Jon gets tired of 'me'. I tell Jon about the no return comment and he replies with a silly joke about store credit, not knowing that Lynn's been pushing buttons to hurt me. I don't respond instantly like I normally do because it hurt so he follows up with a "love you". I tell him that it's bad timing and that his comment hurt, and why. He instantly apologizes and says he'll make it up to me.

Lynn vacillates between being helpful and being hurtful the rest of the night. He runs to the store to get rice for my lunches and then tells me I don't know how to cut fabric to fit over a weapon for the group. He cuts up the chicken for my lunches and then implies I don't know how to take care of Nox Puppy. I feel like I'm constantly on egg shells.

We heard about a friend going to the hospital, possible heart attack. The friend's wife is in another country and frantic for somebody to be at the hospital to keep her in the loop. Lynn offers to go. So now I have the apartment to myself ... and I very strongly consider just packing all that will fit into my car to take to Jon's after practice this afternoon.

We're looking at earliest I could possibly move would be 2 months. Though I'm spending 4-5 nights a week over there now. Even when not doing something together it's calm. He doesn't ignore me, I don't feel isolated, rather I'm at ease and we can do our own thing with occasional words of affection.

I'm just incredibly grateful that Jon understands when I'm emotional because of the crap Lynn pulls.
Create 2
I'm pretty sure 3 weeks for a hat band is kinda ridiculous. But I'm almost to the point of being able to pick up the stitches for the body of the beret.

Saturday I cast on for new stripy socks since we had a musical to attend and I have 2 conventions coming up. I've just gotten them past the toe increases so now they require no thought.


I actually had a bit of time for gaming this week, mostly because Jon and I created new characters to play together. This is Lo'ynn, a level 4 Sith Warrior.


Homeland by R.A. Salvatore. I've been getting very little reading in by just being so busy, mostly with Jon. 
Friday Jon came down sick so instead of going to Lynn's place to have dinner with him and Miss Kid, I headed straight to Jon's after work. Lynn was kind enough to drop off my laptop and clothes after his interview. I spent Friday evening cuddling Jon and making sure he was taken care of. We think it was just a short 24 hour thing since he was better Saturday and could get back to work.

Saturday I stopped in at Joann's since I needed fabric for my sash after my promotion. Back at the apartment I finished the trim on 2 tunics, sewed my sash, and fixed a ripped seam on my overdress. I also got my yarn sorted out for the next pair of stripy socks since we had a musical to attend that night as well as the 2 conventions coming up. After dinner I packed up the car for yet another overnight stay and we headed out to Miller. The show was The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and I loved it! Kid enjoyed it too and we had a lot of laughs both during and after the show. Jon picked me up after the show was finished and we went back to his place.

Sunday we lazed around at his place. There was donuts and cuddling and watching DBZ Abridged. I finally gave up and had a nap, he did laundry and went to get a hair cut. We finally got showered and dressed to head out to practice. Practice was mostly enjoyable, some good fights. Lynn managed to make me cry at one point by going on about how I had abandoned Nox but she was adjusting. Rather than engage him or let him see me cry I just walked off. Jon caught up with me after I walked away to make sure I was okay, since I was actually crying, and to reassure me that I'm not a bad puppy mommy.

After practice we all went to Prince's Hamburgers. Miss Kid pulled me aside at one point and said she liked Jon, he was making me happy and taking care of me. She had previously said she was going to tell him he better be nice to me because she'd beat him up but said that she didn't think it would be needed. It's cute that she feels that way, means a lot, even if she is horribly unmatched.

All in all, despite the minor bump of that one incidence .. it was a good weekend, much happiness, and even a bit of future planning.
18th-Jul-2014 06:58 am - New Overdress [dagorhir, sewing]
I knew I needed a new overdress for Sunday when we dress up to kill our friends but I kept putting it off ... until the boning began poking through the outer layer. I made several modifications to this one though, a longer body, though next time I need to not make it quite so long. I also used far thicker outer fabric and the stiffest interfacing I could find. I added a couple bits of boning as well.

This is a close approximation of the face before heading into battle. I love how the bodice part cups and smooths without overly flattening. And with it so thick, it's even a bit of protection against the unavoidable chest hits.

I don't like how the skirt gathers at the waist here, which is why I'd shorten the bodice a little. I wish I'd known the straps weren't fully tucked in, but I've since removed them as the bodice stays up on it's own and allows for more freedom of movement. Being an archer who switches to sword and board when being charged does make that a necessary thing. I've also hemmed up the skirt portion a bit so the blue shows at the bottom again.

Overall though, I'm pleased with it and really enjoying how comfortable it is to wear, how it supports me, and how it protects me while in battle. I still get hit hard, but it's more tolerable with the thicker layer. Though if I continue to improve on the bow, they'll never get close enough to hit me. :grin:
17th-Jul-2014 11:47 pm - Nails: Watercolor [nails]
Rainbow Paint

This was not the intended result. But I became annoyed at yet another failed watermarble and threw something semi together.

China Glaze #1007 Turned up Turquise, #634 Frostbite, #567 Coconut Kiss
17th-Jul-2014 04:51 pm - Much Happiness [happiness, jon, relationships]
I Love You - Geisha
So much going on, with 2 back to back cons happening, a promotion in my fighting unit, and a lot of sewing work .. But I would be remiss if I didn't direct you to this bit of delightful happiness.

Relationship Update of Much Importance.
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