Shadow Wolf Byrd (shadowwolf13) wrote,
Shadow Wolf Byrd
shadowwolf13

Fear is not Love

I once thought that if I loved somebody enough they wouldn’t hurt me anymore. If I proved myself then the fists, the kicks, and the hateful words would stop. Nothing was good enough so I ran.

I once thought that if I loved a different somebody enough then I’d be enough for him. If I did enough then I’d be the only girl he wanted. I was never good enough so I ran.

I once thought that if I loved a different somebody enough that I could make it work. If I was that ray of sunshine and joy that he’d move past his anger, his rage, his depression. I could never be happy enough so I ran.

When this somebody told me he loved me I didn’t feel the familiar creep of fear. I looked into his eyes and saw only naked honesty. I saw raw feelings and uncluttered truth.

He tells me daily that he loves me. There’s no motive behind it other than it being what he feels. Fear has ruled my life for so long. Sometimes I would forget that there’s a life out there without the fear motivating every move, every decision.

I used to love because I feared. I was afraid of getting beat, of being left, of not being good enough. Fear is no longer the heart of my love. I love now because he is wholly mine. I love because he believes me to be good enough. I love because he loves me and wants only me. Love is now a two way street.

I will never love out of fear again.
Tags: lj idol s10
Subscribe

  • Super Fast Headband

    One of my fighting guys requested a headband. Well ... it took me far longer than I'd like to admit to sit down and knit it but the knitting took…

  • WIP Wednesday: The Blanket Grows

    Knitting: The blanket has grown a bit, the sections aren't feeling impossible yet but I can tell the difference. Now if I could just remember…

  • Angry and Sweaty

    He walked on to the field like he knew everything there was to know about our game. It was his first time playing. We’d explained the rules,…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 20 comments

  • Super Fast Headband

    One of my fighting guys requested a headband. Well ... it took me far longer than I'd like to admit to sit down and knit it but the knitting took…

  • WIP Wednesday: The Blanket Grows

    Knitting: The blanket has grown a bit, the sections aren't feeling impossible yet but I can tell the difference. Now if I could just remember…

  • Angry and Sweaty

    He walked on to the field like he knew everything there was to know about our game. It was his first time playing. We’d explained the rules,…