Shadow Wolf Byrd (shadowwolf13) wrote,
Shadow Wolf Byrd

Language in Secret

I Grok.

As you wish.

Use the Force.

Promise, promise.

Aggro! Aggro! I'm getting aggro!

We all have an inside baseball type language that we speak. It's made up of our experiences, the books we read, the movies we watch, the songs we sing. It's what tells other people more about us and how to interact with us.

Does everybody know them? Of course not. That's part of what makes them so special. Though some are shared with hundreds of people around the world. The joy of many of them is that others can pick up on them and understand them once they share in the culture soup that you call your life. It's rarely something that can simply be explained; it's usually something that must be experienced.

For years I saw the phrase "I grok" or "You grok" and I got that it meant understanding. That was just from context. But then I read Stranger in a Strange Land and suddenly I 'did' grok. While I could understand previously what it meant it wasn't until I read the book that I could 'fully' understand it and truly know what it meant. It was a mental awakening.

Throughout my first marriage and still to this day my ex husband and I use the phrase "As you wish". Because it means I love you so I do $thing for you. To others it may have sounded silly, or nonsensical but to us, the people who watched Princess Bride time and time again, especially when we were sick or couldn't sleep, it made perfect sense. To us it was far more than the words. It was experiences that we'd shared, moments of tenderness, and a deeper understanding.

During the falling apart of my marriage I spent many a long night on City of Heroes. That was where I first began to understand aggro, despite hearing about it beforehand thanks to WoW and other online role play games. It wasn't just foes in the game attacking that we heard about though. Often one of the guys would have wife aggro or girlfriend aggro. Sometimes there was pet aggro or baby aggro. We, the other players, always understood. Sometimes there's just things in life that take you away from the current mission you're on. Friends understand though and will always be there when you can come back.

When the building of my relationship with Lynn began we both had major issues with promises. Promises had been made and had been broken. In the breaking of those promises in our previous relationships we had each been destroyed in various ways. Now we had to make promises again. We found them to be so sacred to each of us that we weren't happy just promising once but it had to be a double promise. A promise promise. When we say those words we are telling each other that we will do everything within our power to make it so, beyond what normal actions we'd normally take.

Actually, our vows were full of our secret language. It may not have made a lot of sense to those listening to us and witnessing for us but we grokked each and every word, on a cellular level.

Before our family and friends I take you to be my mate.
I promise to stand beside you, my hand in yours, through good times and bad.
To always put you first.
To remind you of your promises and to remember mine.
To always make sure you have time for your dreams.
To be a full partner in laughter and in tears.
To always leave a door open for you.
To cherish (and protect) you for as long as we both shall live.
Promise, promise.

To explain each of those lines would take a long post, probably longer than you'd want to read. But every single one in there was because of past failures in the relationship world. I wanted the line in there about always putting him first because of our polyamorous relationship understanding. Both of us would have others in our lives from time to time but we would 'always' put each other first; we'd both been bitten by that before. He asked for the line about reminding promises because he'd been accused of "throwing their words back in their face" when he asked somebody about a promise they'd made to him. I'll gladly share more if you're interested, all you ever have to do is ask. I'd just hate to bore you if you're not intrigued.

We remind each other of these lines every day. It's our secret language that nobody else would understand without a lot of extra information. But it's this secret language that makes us work.
Tags: apis / lynn, lackland, lj idol s7, love, loved, relationships

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